Entry tags:

hpwriting2, unforgettable birthday, what do you have to say?, writer's block

What Do You Have To Say? - I'll Never Forget This Birthday

 I'd have to say that this year's birthday was, by far, one of the worst birthdays I've ever had. I had spent the summer arguing with my mother about a sweet sixteen (She wanted me to have one, I said no way). I couldn't understand why she'd want me to have one if I wasn't begging for it. I'm one of her five daughters. Why bother the dykey daughter when there's three other girly ones that will want parties? It made no sense to me at all, and it was stressful to deal with my mother trying to plan a party I didn't want. At the same time, I had begun seeing cardiologists to deal with my "episodes." I was dealing with a great deal of fear and uncertainty, in addition to newly coping with a more urgent sense of mortality. When it comes to medical ailments, my genetic history sucks. On my Dad's side, there's a lot of heart related issues. My Nana (his mother) had a heart attack about two years ago now and needed a triple bybass-- three of her major arteries were entirely clogged. She has blockages in her legs, but refuses to have surgery-- my mom predicts that she'll either have a strock or lose her legs. She has diabetes, and did not pay attention to the fact before her heart attack. She refused to have a pacemaker  implanted, contrary to the doctor's advice. She smoked for roughly fifty years before this happened. Her mother had a stroke at the age of 43, I believe. nana's sister recently died of lung cancer from smoking unfiltered lucky strikes for the majority of her life. My Dad had a stent put in in September. One of his arteries collapsed. Everyone has cholesterol problems, blood pressure problems, and similar ailments. 

My prospects were not good. 
What the pediatric cardiologist said ranged from saying I'm simply dehydrated to wondering If I had a rare and serious problem. The day he told me I have PVcs and I do have a heart condition, my Uncle died of a massive heart attack. 

I was instructed to stay away from all caffeine, including decaffinated products. i was never big on caffeine, but I had a few items that I still find it hard to do wtihout, one being tea. I used to drink tea every day several times. There were some nights that I'd drink at least five cups before I went to sleep. I've always tended to be a bit of an insomniac, and tea was quite relaxing. The second was a bit depressing. The chocolate on my birthday cake.

Every year, I have a Carvel Ice cream cake on my birthday. I just don't like regular cake. Now, keep in mind that the same day i was told not to have caffeine I started the beta blocker that would help my symptoms. 

That medicine was horrible. On my birthday, my mom said that I could "cheat" on the no caffeine rule to have a peice of cake. I had a small peice, and didn't think it would be that bing of a deal. Wrong. I spent the rest of the night sick to my stomach, wishing I had put my medicine dose on hold until after the cake. Or if only I had cut off the chocolate part and only ate the vanilla. I don't know.

Earlier that morning, I had gone to have a cardiac MRI. I had had an MRI on my knees, and I felt very anxious through the whole thing. I had to get into a gown (which was awkward). WHen I laid down on the table, i noticed that the tech, a man who resembled a bear, had scrubs that must have been just a tad too small. His massive belly was hanging out from the bottom of his shirt. How charming.

happy birthday.